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“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it, and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.”

— Roald Dahl, "My Uncle Oswald"

How to Stay Focused on your Goals

One of my followers on Instagram recently reached out to me all the way from Norway, and I’m so glad that she did. She’s a dreaming Pisces like me who loves wine and has perfectionistic tendencies - all things that I can very much relate with! If you’re not following me on Instagram yet, go over to @thejetsetblonde and let’s connect! And if you have questions for me or topics you’d like for me to discuss on the podcast, definitely let me know!

This beautiful jet setter reached out to me, and she asked me how I became so strong in achieving my goals when your life is in the midst of change and when you feel like you’re not getting proper support from the people around you. She expressed that she was finding it difficult to find balance - how to determine what advice she should listen to and what she should let go.

As I was writing a response to her, I felt that I should share this with the wider Jet Set Society because I know there are other women out there who struggle with this - me formerly being one of them.

So today, let’s talk about balance and how to calm the mind and find the strength to keep moving forward when it feels like you’re struggling to reach the high standards that you’ve set for yourself.

And before we jump in, my first piece of advice would be to listen to one of my previous podcast episodes - number 12 on how to handle transitions in life. In this episode I share how to address the awkward phase of transition, how I encourage myself to keep going despite obstacles and people who don’t feel supportive, and what I’ve learned about life’s transitions over the years.

After you’ve given that a listen, come back to this one.

My Struggle to Find Balance

Seeking balance is a tough one. For starters, I need to give some background to the situation I found myself in prior to finding inner mental peace.

For many years, I felt at odds with myself. I felt a duality about me that was in constant struggle and turmoil. I wanted to find peace inside myself. I wanted to find balance.

This inner conflict resulted in me developing a serious eating disorder my senior year of high school. Then it carried on into my early college years. I felt chaos most of the time in terms of my thoughts. My mental stamina was delicate - the littlest things could ruin my day. And really ridiculous things too.

Let me explain what I mean. I would deprive myself of food all day and allow myself one meal. I’d spend all day looking forward to that one meal - obsessing over it. Then when it came time to eat, I’d eat until I was so full that my stomach hurt. Then that sent me into a chaotic spiral of depression and regret and self-torment.

And this cycle would continue day after day - a constant mood swing from feeling in control and completely out of control. A continuous internal battle of thoughts telling me that I’ve eaten too much or that I needed to work out more. It was exhausting and it was costing me everything - my health, my friendships, my experiences - my whole quality of life.

But with daily practice, I crawled out of this dark and confusing place that I had created for myself in my mind. And little by little I wasn’t so fragile anymore. The whims of the world couldn’t throw me into a depression. The frustrations of the day couldn’t take away from my joy.

In fact, I even have a tattoo on my inner wrist that’s a Celtic symbol for balance. Because, to me, that’s the ultimate desire in life to achieve an inner state of calm and peace. It’s about being in harmony with your mind, body, and spirit.

This season is a perfect time to talk about this topic too because we’re in a season of change - not only with the weather but also with this entire year being one big shared experience of change.

And when we are experiencing change and transition, it can be easy to lose ourselves. It can be easy for us to get rattled and anxious and worried and overwhelmed. And those are the moments when we need to find mental peace the most, right?

So let’s all learn how to find our peace and nurture it so that changes in our outside world and unhelpful thoughts or emotions can’t shake us from that state.

What we’re talking about here are states of being - energies. The whole world is full of different energies - energies that motivate and uplift us and energies that discourage us and deflate us. The energies that we surround ourselves with have the ability to influence us, in either helpful or unhelpful ways.

And we want to tap into those helpful energies, right? The energies that keep us grounded and keep us motivated. The energies that give us focus and clarity.

And for me, this requires that I do things both internally and externally to tap into those peaceful energies. So let’s talk about mindset first, then we’ll talk about your environment.

Get Clear about what you want in life

From a mindset perspective, how do we hold on to a focus of what we want in life despite changes in our world? And the first thing I’d say about this is, we need to get really clear about what we want in life. We have to break down our extraordinary dreams into bite-sized goals.

When we know what we want in life and why we want it, there’s really not much that can stand in our way. Because we’ve done the work to get really clear on what we want in life and deep down really why we want it.

Visualize Your Future first class self

The next thing that I like to do mentally to find focus and peace is to visualize my future first class self. And if you’ve not taken any of my trainings before, you’re probably thinking, “What in the world is Brittany even talking about?” So let me briefly explain.

Your future first class self is the woman sitting up in first class of the plane, already living the life of your dreams. She thinks high-caliber thoughts and exudes first class emotions. This is your future first class self.

So I’m envisioning my future first class self. And I’m asking, “If I had already reached my goal, how would I be feeling? What would I be doing? What thoughts would I be thinking?”

For me, my future first class self is a woman that shows up. When she puts something on the calendar, she sticks to it. When she accomplishes something, she celebrates. But she’s not perfect. She’s perfectly imperfect. When she fails, she shows grace. When she messes up, she learns from the experience; she doesn’t beat herself up.

When we can tap into the thoughts and feelings of our future self, we can start channeling that energy in our present. When you set a goal, you have to get really clear about how your future self thought and felt in order to achieve that goal.

Did she get there by beating herself up? Did she get there by thinking that she had so far to go until she would make it? No, she didn’t. She got there by tapping into the excitement of what’s to come. She got there by celebrating the small wins along the way.

So you have to start channeling your future first class self in the present. Right now. By doing little things day by day to improve your quality of life and to get you closer to your goals.

If you want to be a wealthy woman, you must first start thinking like one. You have to start thinking and feeling abundantly before you can attract abundance.

If you want to be a toned woman, you must first start thinking like one. You have to stop telling yourself that it’s hard for you to lose weight. Why? Because we get good at what we practice. And if you’re practicing thinking those thoughts, you’ll only be able to create to the edge of that limit. So if you’re thinking a limiting thought like, I’m not good with exercise, then you’ll never be able to create the toned woman that you desire. We don’t get what we want in life; we get what we expect in our life and what we tolerate in our life.

Fall in love with the process.

Another thing that’s really important to focus on mentally when you’re going after your goals, is to have to fall in love with the process. Many of us just want the end result now. We don’t want to put in the work it takes to transform and reach our goals. But when you fall in love with the process of bettering yourself, it no longer becomes a chore or a struggle.

I’ll give you an example. This week, I enrolled in a local Pilates gym near my house. I hadn’t been going to the gym since February due to COVID so it’s really nice to get back into a workout routine. And this gym is super close to where I live so I love the convenience of it. In previous times that I’ve enrolled in gyms, I’ve had some trepidations about it - going to the gym was a love/hate for me.

But now, I look forward to my classes. I get excited to go to my class because I reframed how I thought about the classes. I look at my time there as “me” time - a time for me to relax and unwind from the day while feeling strong and challenged. I genuinely find the fun in it.

Now would I like to tone up and develop some muscle definition? Absolutely! But that’s not what I’m falling in love with. I’m not falling in love with the end result because what happens if I don’t achieve that result? That would fuel discouraged and self-loathing thoughts that I don’t need. Instead, I’m focusing on falling in love with the process itself. I’m focusing on the excitement and fun to better myself and to learn more about myself. I have genuine curiosity for what’s possible for me and what’s possible in life. Focus on that energy, not the end result.

So these are the ways that I keep mentally balanced and focused on my goals. But let’s also talk about what you can do in your environment outside you.

Monitor your information sources

We first need to talk about the types of information that you expose yourself to. Are you watching the news everyday and feeding off of the chaos from politics and the pandemic? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be well-informed, but be protective of how much time and energy you invest into sources that can cause you unnecessary anxiety and stress.

For me, I keep my news intake to a minimal level. I like to know what’s going on in the world, but I want to protect my inner peace because staying grounded and centered is important to me. And if you’re feeling your blood pressure rise and your anxiety increase when you turn on the T.V., I encourage you to consider making a change for your own benefit.

Evaluate your social media

Same goes for social media. Are you getting enjoyment out of social media or do you log off feeling depressed or worse about yourself? I think social media is an awesome thing - it’s how I’ve met many of you. And social media can be a place of support and motivation. But bring awareness to how you feel when you’re on social media. If you’re feeling sad or overwhelmed when you log on, consider unfollowing some people or logging off more often.

We need to hold space for others and show empathy, but we need to first take care of our own well-being. I’ve said this in another podcast episode, but I always think of the analogy of the airplane. When the flight attendants are giving their safety speech, they always say put on your mask before helping others. And they say this because we are not effective in helping and supporting others if we are suffering ourselves. We need to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others properly.

So consider taking a mental health break from social media if you need it. It will be there when you get back. It really can make a huge difference in a short amount of time.

Consider who you spend time with

The next aspect to consider in your environment is who you spend your time with. There are some people that just really get under your skin; they know exactly how to press your buttons. And when you’re around those people, your level of calm can change to irritated or even angry fast.

You may not even be aware of it but these may be people who are super sweet but maybe they complain all the time. Maybe they’re stressed all of the time. Or maybe they’re always asking for a favor. None of these things make that person inherently bad.

But being around this type of energy can seriously impact your own. You have a limited amount of energy to invest, so why spend all this extra energy trying to stay peaceful and focused in the midst of all of these other chaotic energies, right?

Set up boundaries

So we have to set up boundaries. I’m not saying that you have to cut off all ties with these people - in fact, you may not be able to because they’re family or a work colleague. But that’s where boundaries come into play.

I like to think of this as the little curtain that the flight attendant pulls across to separate first class and economy class on the plane. That little curtain represents the boundaries you set. It’s your policy for what you will tolerate and allow in your life.

What is a boundary? I’ll start by saying what it’s not. A boundary does not give you license to tell other people what to do. You don’t want someone telling you what to do; so you can’t do that or expect to be able to do that to others.

A boundary is when you set an expectation with someone else. If or when that person does something, you will let them know how you will respond. But you have to clearly communicate this upfront.

Pulling your curtain across the cabin is only effective if you inform the other person what you expect of them. Tell that person what you will do if they choose to act a certain way. Because you can only control you.

If you have a friend that loves to come and complain to you about everything and you find that draining on your energy, you can set a boundary with her. You can tell her that you love her and want to hold space for her, but that you can no longer be that sounding board for her when she feels like she’s in crisis. You can tell her that you love her but that you can’t be there for her in that capacity anymore.

Boundaries are hard. Some people will not understand or they may even get offended. But sometimes you have to do what’s right for you and love that person from afar. Your future first class self is a woman who sets a high standard for herself. She’s able to say no to what’s not good for her and yes to the things that will grow her.

Build confidence in yourself

A final thing that I’ll say is jumping back to a mental state of mind for maintaining peace and focus. And that is to have confidence in yourself. Have confidence that you can handle the tough moments and the challenges that life throws your way. One mantra that I sometimes say to myself is, “I can handle tough things.”

Knowing that I can handle whatever life throws at me helps me to stay in a balanced state of mind. Another thought that I concentrate on is, “This is happening for me, not to me.” When I say this out loud, I’m taking my power back. I’m telling the world that this is an opportunity for me to learn something new and to grow; not something that will break me. The tough moments give us a chance to look inside ourselves and become even more aware of who we truly are and what we’re truly made of. And this is a thought that brings me a lot of peace and motivation.

And the last mantra that I say to myself is, “I’m not in a hurry. Things will develop as they are meant to.” This one is sometimes harder for me to believe but I practice thinking this thought because it really helps. As I mentioned earlier, a lot of us want to get to the other side of the fence. We think the grass is greener over there. If I can just be skinny, then I’ll be happy. If I can just make the money, then I’ve made it.

We are in this state of stress because we trick ourselves into thinking that we’re not there yet. But you are exactly where you should be. And knowing this can allow your creativity and motivation and peace flow back through you once again.

You get to choose what you want to believe. We all have crazy thoughts running through our heads - sometimes they’re helpful and sometimes they’re unhelpful. But when we can separate our beliefs from our thoughts, then we can choose what we want to believe about ourselves.

I have thoughts that cross my head like, “I’m not talkative enough to help others,” and “I’m not experienced enough to give advice.” But do I choose to listen to and believe in those thoughts? No. Because they don’t help me.

You get to believe whatever you want about yourself. You get good at what you practice. So start practicing how to better protect your harmony. Become more aware of what’s draining your peaceful energy. Start practicing how to better focus your energy on what matters most to you and do the work to block out the rest.