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4 More Tips for Making Decisions Effectively

Last week, I posted the first part in my 2-part series on making decisions effectively. We covered 4 tips and this week I’m sharing 4 more tips. Last week, I discussed the importance of making effective decisions because we have to make decisions every day.

We make roughly 35,000 remotely conscious decisions in a single day. Although we make decisions on a daily basis, people still struggle with it. And the 2 main ways that I see people struggling with decision making is either by avoiding it altogether or by making the same decisions over and over again, but expecting things to change.

Isn’t that the definition of crazy or something? Oh yes - it was apparently an Einstein quote, however I’m not really sure that’s true. But the saying goes, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Regarding the first struggle, where people struggle to make any decisions, this is our analysis paralysis group. We are too afraid of making the wrong decision so much so that we avoid making the decision at all.

In the second group, we think that we can keep doing the same thing but we want different results.

The real reason why people get stuck with making decisions effectively is because it causes discomfort. When we decide something, we are setting some sort of expectation for the future, but we don’t really know what the future holds. We can only make the best decision for us in that moment with the information available to us. It’s all the thoughts around that decision that then cause us to worry or second-guess.

Deciding how you will feel about the decision is the most important decision you will make. Decide how you will feel about the decision you just made. You can choose to feel good and confident about it or worried and stressed about it.

So let’s recap the four tips we went over last week before we jump into the additional 4 tips.

The first tip was, “Don’t look to others to make your decisions for you.” Getting advice is good but it’s important that you ultimately take responsibility for the decisions that you choose to make. At the end of the day, you’re the only one who has to sit with the decision you make, so make sure you like your reason why.

The second tip was, “Recognize your decision making patterns.” We all have behavioral tendencies that we fall back on when making decisions, and those include: the wish patter, the escape pattern, the safe pattern, the impulsive pattern, the fatalistic pattern, the compliant pattern, and the delaying pattern. Try to notice what pattern or patterns that you gravitate to - it’s the first step in changing that behavior if you want to break that cycle.

The third tip was, “Limit your options.” I also like to refer to this as “pre-deciding.” What I mean by that is that you imagine the scenario in your head ahead of time and pre-decide on how you will show up in that moment. But limiting the number of options you give yourself upfront, it helps you to avoid decision fatigue. A common example would be if you were heading to a party but you were on a diet. You may pre-decide to limit your food options to just the protein and vegetable options and skip the heavy-carb appetizers as a way to make your decision making in the moment easier.

And the last tip we covered last week was, “Make decisions as your future first class self.” If you don’t know what your future first class self is, go to my website and sign up for my free training that outlines what your future first class self is and how you can shift your mindset from economy to first class thinking. But what I’m talking about here is tapping into the energy of your future self. Imagine your future self - the woman who’s already made the decision. How does she feel? What is she thinking? What did she have to do or stop doing to get there? Then tap into that emotional energy and start making those future self decisions now. That’s when you’ll truly start to see changes in your everyday.

So now that we’ve covered those four tips, I recommend going back to my first recording and giving it a re-listen if any of those concepts still need clarification but now let’s jump into the 4 additional tips I have for effective decision making, starting with letting go of what you can’t control.

#5 - Let go of what you can’t control.

Now I know this one is actually very hard for many people - especially for my control freaks and raging perfectionists out there. We want so badly to control everything around us as much as possible to try and ensure the exact outcome that we want, but it’s really just draining your mental energy.

We can only control ourselves - no one else in the world and nothing else in the world. The only thing we have control over is our own minds, thoughts, and bodies.

What actually happens when we try to control everything around us is that we start cutting out all of the beautiful things in the world that can enrich your life further outside of the restricted world that you’ve created around you.

We have to let go of the idea that in order to have a beautiful, extraordinary life, we have to be perfect, because it’s simply not true. As a former raging perfectionist myself, I can assure you that life is so much more fulfilling when you are disciplined and controlled about what is within your power and when you let go of all the rest.

And this topic has actually been a really interesting one to observe in this era of COVID. I have some family members who are worried sick about getting the virus. And I’m not belittling that at all - it’s a serious matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. But there’s so much extra mind drama that is unnecessary happening around us. I can choose to live in fear and worry about getting the virus or I can choose to put my mental energy elsewhere.

So here’s what I’ve decided. I asked myself, “What is within my control?” Well, I can wash my hands, use antibacterial soap, wear a mask, and social distance. All of those things are within my control. But can I control if other people are wearing masks? No. You could ask that person to put on a mask, but if they choose not to, you can’t control that. So then your next choice is to make peace with that or remove yourself from the situation, because again, both of those things are within your power.

I’ve made peace with doing all the things within my power to protect myself, but beyond that, I can’t force my expectations on others.

Control is rooted in fear. We try to control things because we’re afraid of what may happen if we don’t control it. But this is a thought. We could literally go crazy considering all of the what-if scenarios out there that could end up poorly for us. But those thoughts are not what is real. Those thoughts are false evidence in our brain telling us to be fearful.

We have to separate what is fact from fiction. A lot of us are just listening to the constant fiction running through our minds. The what-ifs, the false evidence of what we perceive to be true. We get to create whatever story in our minds around the facts.

A fact is something that we can all agree on - for example, a number on a scale. We all can look at a number on a scale and agree that that is what it is. But how do you want to choose to think and feel about that number. For some, that number would be indicative of a healthy, happy body, while others may perceive that as unhealthy.

Let’s take another example. I lost my job earlier this year because of the pandemic. That was something that happened out of my control. The fact was, “I lost my job.” We can all agree to that. But I can choose how I want to perceive that fact. I can look at that and think, “I’ve lost everything and I’ll never find a job better than that.” Or I can choose to think, “This was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to me and I have so much more to look forward to in my future.” Which story feels better? Which story helped me secure a new full-time job?

Our thoughts drive our emotions which impact the decisions we make. I choose to believe that losing my job earlier this year was the best thing that could happen to me. That thought fueled emotions of motivation, hopefulness, and perseverance. Which then drove my actions to apply to new jobs, create new opportunities for myself, and to engage in networking with others. I couldn’t control if someone else would give me another job after losing mine, but I could control how I decided to show up in the world as an unemployed American. I could control if I applied to new jobs, I could control how I presented myself in interviews. I could control if I reached out to others for help and support. And I chose to focus on that and let go of all the rest.

Tip #6 - Set a deadline.

This next tip is more tactical and less-mindset. And that is to set a deadline for yourself to make a decision. This is especially important for my friends who live in indecision and get analysis paralysis. It’s easy to just keep postponing, day after day, month after month, year after year. We do this because it’s more comfortable and familiar. We may be uncomfortable with our weight but the alternative of exercising and eating healthier is even more uncomfortable, so we keep postponing and putting it off. And we wonder then why our life isn’t changing.

How many of us have said, the diet begins Monday. I’ll start this week. I’ll stop eating junk food this week.

But then we don’t and we feel guilty. But guilt is a pretty unhelpful emotion isn’t it? Guilt really doesn’t help you move forward in any way.

But here’s what I’d like to challenge you to do - stop seeing decisions as good or bad. There’s not wrong or right decisions. The decision itself is neutral. You make it, then you find out if it moves you forward or not. If it doesn’t, you learn from it. There shouldn’t be all this extra pressure and mind drama.

Setting a deadline helps enforce this. Give yourself a week to research, weigh the options, then make a decision and do it with confidence, not looking back. Only looking forward to see if it moves you forward or not. If not, you learn from it, and continue moving forward.

So if you're spinning in indecision and are in a delay pattern, decide your deadline. Set it and stick to it. Then realize how you’ve already started making decisions and notice how good that feels.

Tip #7 - Align decisions with your core values.

We all have different values - some overlap with others. There are many values out there when you start specifying it. I’ll name a few:

Authenticity
Achievement
Adventure
Balance
Beauty
Community
Creativity
Fairness
Faith
Honesty
Humor
Knowledge
Pleasure
Popularity
Security
Success
Wealth

If you don’t know where your values lie, I encourage you to google “common core values” and then review the list. Select 5 or less core values that really resonate with you. If you have too many core values, then none are really meaningful because it’s too hard to prioritize any of them.

For me, my core values have actually shifted over the years. And that’s okay too - your core values may shift over time while others may stay constant your whole life.

In my raging perfectionist days, success, recognition, and perfection probably would have ended up on my list. But as I’ve grown and learned more about what I really want in life, balance has replaced perfection and adventure has replaced success.

For me now, my top 5 values would probably be balance, adventure, beauty, self-resilience, and connection. And I let my decisions be guided by those principles. Because I value adventure, I love to travel and I choose to spend money on that. Because I know how extremist it can feel to be a raging perfectionist, I now strive for and appreciate balance in most aspects of my life - whether that comes to food, work, or really anything else for that matter. I value beauty so I love to surround myself with beautiful things like flowers and candles, and I love staying in resorts with lush gardens and getting cocktails in beautiful hotel lobbies. I value connection, so I enjoy making time to entertain and host friends and visit with family on a regular basis.

None of these core values are inherently bad. You may value wealth but that doesn’t inherently make you greedy. You can value and appreciate beauty without being vain. Try to be as honest with yourself as possible about what you value, then align your decisions with that. This will also help you get really clear on what you want to save money for and how you want to spend your free time. It will help you to build your life as you desire it - around what matters to you most.

So the next time you are faced with a big decision, ask yourself, “Does this align with my core values?” If it doesn’t, you probably have your answer already made for you.

#8 - Decide how you’re going to feel about the decision.

And my final tip for making decisions effectively, which I’ve already alluded to earlier, is to decide how you’re going to feel about the decision you just made. The most important decision you make is not the first one, it’s the second decision, which is how you will choose to feel about your first decision.

Many times we make a decision, but then we instantly start to worry about it or second-guess ourselves. We live in a state of regret and guilt. We waffle back and forth over if it was the right choice or not.

This causes our energy to split, and we become less effective. You lose traction on the decision you just made because you’re not fully committed to it. So we want to commit to a decision and feel good about it. Even though I’ve made decisions in the past that I would have done differently if I could go back in time, I don’t regret them. Because I learned from them. I like to say to myself, “You made the exact decision you were supposed to in that moment, given the information you had available to you.”

Decide ahead of time that you are going to feel good about your decision and not look back on it. You will make your decision resolutely without wavering. Because once you’ve made that decision, you need all the momentum and energy that you can get behind you to propel you forward in the direction of that choice.

And I’ll tell you - life is so much more enjoyable when you live it this way. It frees you from regret and worry. It allows you to relax and make decisions simply and elegantly.

So let’s recap the 4 additional tips for effective decision making that we went over today. They are:

#5 - Let go of what you can’t control.

#6 - Set a deadline.

#7 - Align decisions with your core values.

#8 - Decide how you’re going to feel about the decision.

At the end of the day, try to enjoy the process of making decisions. We all face decisions that we have to make every day, so we might as well enjoy the process, right? You’ll either learn from it or more forward, so you really can’t lose.

Be willing to make decisions and learn. Be willing to make decisions and fail. See what works, see what doesn’t. But don’t let indecision or self doubt or fear slow you down. You deserve to feel good about the decisions you make.

Between last week’s blog post and this week, I hope you feel empowered to make decisions effectively and with confidence. Practice these 8 tips and you’ll be making decisions with pleasure and ease every day.